I will start by saying that this is not the birth that I had dreamed in my head. It started with my 36 week check up. I knew the night before that things were not well. I was swelling like crazy - which was nothing new for my pregnancy - but this was different. Of course, I procrastinated on packing anything but the baby stuff for the hospital. I wanted to wait until I was off work and Christmas was figured out (at least that's the reasoning in my head) but something told me to get that bag packed. I didn't and I will always believe this was a catalyst to everything that happened next.
Around lunchtime of December 17th, I picked up my mom to come to my appointment with me. Something told me that I would need someone to be there and my husband had to work. We arrived only to find out that the doctor was stuck in Toronto because of an early morning snow storm. We were asked if we wanted to wait or come back in a bit. I was worried about losing my spot (first after lunch is no joke in a busy OB office) so despite my grumbling belly, we decided to wait it out. The nurses were trying to fast track things and took me in to do my regular checks - my weight gain and fundal height were perfect (yay!) but my blood pressure was really, really high (into the 140s). The nurse sent me back to the waiting room to relax a bit and see if it came down. About 10 minutes later, she called me back in and it was higher now (into the 150s). She had also tested my urine and noted that there was protein in it. I knew from my own research that I had all the classic signs of preeclampsia. She told me to relax and wait for the doctor. My options were likely that I would either be sent home and have to come back the next day to check it again or I'd be sent to the hospital immediately. Thank goodness that my mom was here with me. I really started to panic at this point - what if I have to go to the hospital? Andrew will have to pack the bags! I haven't finished Christmas shopping! I'm not ready! This was not the plan!
The doctor arrived and immediately said that I would have to head over to OB Triage at the hospital. He would have sent me home but the second BP reading was just too high to ignore. I put on a brave face - until we got in the car. As I dialed my husband's cell number to tell him what was happening, I lost it. I was now scared - for my own health, for my baby's health and for all that was to come.
We arrived at OB Triage and checked in. My blood pressure was still extremely high and I was placed on a constant fetal monitor. The baby was still going strong and it was wonderful to listen to the heartbeat. At this point, the nurses were furious that I had gone so long without eating. I had plans of a nice lunch with my mom after my very quick check up but here we were, 5 hours later. They ordered me dinner immediately hoping that a little food might settle everything down. My mom and I were having a great time - we were laughing so much that the nurses said I didn't appear sick at all! My BP had dropped and the nurses were confident that the OB on call that night would send me home with some medication and possible bed rest. Dr. Brkovich reviewed my information with me and told me she would be admitting me - much to everyone's surprise. My BP was coming down but not quickly enough and she wanted me and the baby to be monitored closely. The tears came again - I had never been admitted to a hospital for more than a few hours and was not looking forward to a night (or more) here. They put me in a private room near the end of a hallway to ensure that I could get some rest and so there we were, waiting.
This game went on for days. I was on 24 hour urine collection to keep an eye on my protein levels and strict bed rest to help lower my BP. My legs were swollen beyond recognition so I enjoyed the time to relax. It was awesome at first - cable TV, food at the touch of my phone, people taking care of me - this was great! I basically saw nurses at shift change when I would get my medications and when they came to do my Non-Stress Test (NST) each morning. The NST became the biggest annoyance. It was great to hear the baby's heartbeat but they were looking for movement and somedays, this little one didn't want to cooperate.
After Day 1, my OB said we would likely have a baby in the next couple of days. Then Day 2 came - my levels weren't climbing quickly so we would wait. Day 3 - same story. This went on and on and on for days. Around December 23, we started talking about the possibility of me going home for Christmas. On December 24, we started talking about a potential day pass. I'd still be required to return to the hospital for an NST and bloodwork. I'd still have to do urine collection and I would still be on bed rest. All of this was sounding like a lot of work and so Andrew and I decided we would just spend the holiday in the hospital. Our family promised to come and see us and so we continued to wait. Estimated delivery was now moving back into January.
On Christmas morning, my levels jumped. I was really hoping that I wouldn't end up with a Christmas baby. During the NST, our little Munchie wasn't moving. The nurses were really concerned and an ultrasound was ordered for that day to ensure that I wasn't becoming toxic and the baby was ok. Since it was a holiday, there was no telling what time the ultrasound tech would be ready for us so we waited. I wanted to get up and get dressed and act like myself a little but I was so concerned about the well being of my little one. They came to get me as my family was arriving and I headed downstairs with the nurse. The ultrasound tech kept poking at me and making "hmm" sounds. She mentioned to me that the baby moved early on but didn't have much movement towards the end which was unusual. She thought this was ok but would let the OB on call review the results. At this point I became extremely worried. It took all my energy to maintain my composure until I got back to my room. While I was gone, more family had arrived but I couldn't hold it in and the tears came. I knew that things weren't going well and thought that we might have a baby earlier than ever anticipated. I was wrong and the OB on call determined that the baby was still healthy and since my levels weren't quite high enough yet, we would continue to wait. It was a relief and I started to think that I might just make it to January afterall.
Boxing Day morning arrived and I got my morning bloodwork and medication - including my blood thinner injection (Heparin). Shortly after I had finished my NST for the day, Dr. Rawlings arrived in my room and reviewed my case with me: so you have high blood pressure, are a high risk pregnancy due to a blood clotting disorder, have passed the 37 week mark to be considered "full term" and your levels continue to decline - what are we waiting for? She began to reiterate how serious my condition was and that she was very concerned I could possibly have a seizure in the back corner of a hallway and no one would be any the wiser for hours. She informed me that she was ordering an induction for the next morning since I had already had my blood thinner and couldn't be delivered now. I was equal parts scared and relieved. We all knew that my health and potentially the health of my baby was deteriorating at a rapid pace. It only made sense to get the baby out. She ordered that a foley catheter be inserted immediately to get the induction started and I would be officially induced the next morning to ensure that the blood thinner was properly managed. The insertion of the catheter was extremely painful and uncomfortable. She told me that my bed rest restriction had been removed since it was just to keep the baby in and now, we wanted that baby out. She advised me to walk a lot and so I did. My dad came with me and we paced the hallways for hours.
I started to have contractions. I remember sitting there talking to my parents when I had to stop because all I could concentrate on was this painful cramp that was happening. It was starting! I was ordered a sleeping aid by the doctor - she knew me better than anyone - because there was no way I was going to just drift off to dreamland with contractions and an imminent labour on my mind. Just as I was getting ready to go to bed, I went to the bathroom and the catheter fell out. I immediately thought, oh crap - they are going to have to put this back in! - and started dreading the pain. I called the nurse down. She was an older woman who clearly had been around the block a time or two and as I stood there holding onto this thing, she says "this is what is supposed to happen. First, throw that out and second, go to bed. Your labour will either start or it won't. Get some rest." And so, I took the sleep aid, and drifted off.
At 6 am on December 27, I was up and ready to go. At 7 am the blood work lady came in (we knew each other well by now). At 9 am, the nurse came in to tell me they still weren't ready and to stay calm. At noon, I was told to order lunch because there had been a ton of women coming in and triage was full of women ready to deliver. Since I wasn't in active labour, I had to wait. I was extremely annoyed at this point. I felt that I had pulled my ticket the day before (or many days before if you want to get technical) and these other women were in my way. I started pacing the halls and took an extra long time as I passed the nurses station each time. There was no way they were forgetting about me! I also really wanted our baby to be born today - it was the anniversary of when we started dating after all! I also remembered my prenatal class teacher telling us that the earlier you can get induced, the better so you can work with your body's natural sleep cycle. No one wants to be pushing a baby out when they are used to being in a dead sleep. At 2 pm, the nurse told me I was next to go down but no one knew when that would be. Due to my many issues, I had to deliver in a high risk room and therefore had to wait for one to be available. The little lullaby kept going off - 1, 2, 3, 4... I was starting to lose count at how many babies were being born today. As my husband was drifting off to sleep for a nap, the nurse came in at 3 pm and told us it was go time! We grabbed what we needed and told our families that we were heading to delivery!
The doctor on call checked my cervix - I was at 3 cm. A good starting point! I was hooked up to pitocin to get the labour going and a fetal monitor to ensure all was progressing well at 3:30 pm. Additionally, my dedicated nurse had to take my vitals every 5 minutes. I wasn't concerned about this as my labour was always going to be induced because of my blood clotting disorder. My blood pressure was very high and the doctor suggested I get an epidural immediately to assist with bringing it down before other medications were necessary. I always planned on an epidural (no pain? yes please!) and so it was inserted with a lot of pinching from me to my nurse. I couldn't feel a thing! My nurse told me we were in for a long night so I took the opportunity to visit with everyone who was here. Since I was in high risk, only 2 people were allowed in at a time so it was quick visits. Just as my mom was about to come back in, my nurse kicked everyone out except my husband and called any available nurses to the room. My baby's heart rate was decelerating dangerously and they needed to find a new position for us. I was introduced to the rest of the nursing team when my legs were in the air and they were flipping me around. Trust me, there is nothing glamourous about delivery! You get very intimate with people very quickly! They found a new position and propped me up with pillows, etc. I was checked again and I was at 6 cm! My labour was progressing very quickly. The only issue was that the baby's heart rate was decelerating with every contraction. About an hour went by and I was checked again - 8 cm! Dr. Suga asked if I would be okay with use of forceps if necessary. I indicated I wasn't really a fan of this option unless it was absolutely necessary. She indicated that the decelerations were getting dangerous and we may need to get the baby out quickly. They would wait another hour to see what was happening. Around 8 pm, she checked me again and said - can you push please? Being the first time idiot mother I was, I assumed she just wanted to see if the baby would come down or get a better reading or whatever. My response was "is this it?" She told me that I was 10 cm and we were going to start pushing! I told Andrew to text my family since they had been locked out of the room for a while now and were likely wondering what was happening. It wouldn't be long before our Munchie was here!
I started pushing and I remember the nurses saying "down here". I couldn't feel anything at all and so I kept asking "am I doing it right?". It was so serious in the moment and seems like such a ridiculous question now. They kept reassuring me. I could tell when I was having contractions by listening to the baby's heart rate. I knew it was happening when the heart rate would go down and that it was ending as it came back up. My nurse, Linda, was a god-send. She was the best coach I could have dreamed of. She was calm even when I could see the worry on her face and that helped me not to freak out too much. At 9:30 pm they called Dr. Suga back in. Things were rapidly deteriorating and I would find out later that they were convinced the cord was wrapped around the baby's neck (it wasn't). Dr. Suga informed me that the NICU team had been called and would be here for my delivery and that if there wasn't an immediate cry, the baby would be taken by them to be looked at. She told me that I had one push left before she was getting the forceps because the baby needed to come out - NOW. I was determined to get this baby out on my own and I pushed and pushed and pushed without taking a break until I felt it - I knew that the baby was out and it was over. At 9:49 pm, she put this tiny little baby who was covered in God-knows-what with a head full of hair on my belly and told us - IT'S A GIRL! The whole room smiled and laughed for a second and then she was taken away by the NICU team. She still hadn't cried yet. My husband and I always had a deal - if something is wrong with the baby, he was to go with the baby and leave me with the nurses. I sat in my bed watching them while I was being cleaned up. I looked over at the Dr. who was busy getting my placenta out and stitching me up. I then looked at Linda and realized I was crying hysterically. She asked if I was okay and I said "I think so - I'm just feeling so many things." She looked at me and said, "It's ok - it happens a lot but listen!" And with that, I heard our baby's first cries. She was alright! Andrew came over to see what was happening with me and we decided at that moment that he would choose her name - Abigail Christine Markham. Abigail was a name that came to him in a dream and Christine is also my middle name. After 6 hours of labour, our teeny 5 lb 8 oz baby girl was here - on our anniversary and 3 weeks before her due date.
So many things are a blur after this. She was placed on my chest for some bonding time and we began our first attempts at breastfeeding. As I was being given a sponge bath (my legs were still frozen), Andrew got to hold his baby girl for the first time. I have this image of him with her in those first few moments burned into my memory - he was a seriously proud dad.
We got packed up and headed out to have Abby meet her adoring fan club! I will always remember the group of people that gathered for those 6 hours to meet Abby in her first moments on this Earth. I won't remember the flurry of activity that was going on around me but I will be forever grateful to those who were as excited as we were to meet her.
Abigail, you are the most precious thing in my life. I often am amazed at how I know my life was incomplete until you arrived but I never realized it. I will be grateful forever that you, my miracle baby, chose us to be your parents.
And so, our journey as a family of 3 began...
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